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The Beastly Hidden Ukie Tijuana Bible
2003-03-28

If your taste for the perverse is already sated, or if you are among the many who groan and faint at explicit, racy material, TURN BACK NOW! Because you have stumbled upon a vile little secret on this Website, and one that should only be viewed by adults, and, moreso, only by adults who delight in the wicked and spurn the good. So know now that if you continue reading, you will have left the congregation of the saved and joined the congregation of the damned. Are you willing to risk you immortal soul for a glimpse at some naughtiness? Are you willing to spit in the face of all that is just and true in favor of glimpsing a few badly scrawled images of nonsensical obscenity?

You are? Then you're my kind of people! Heaven for the climate, but hell for the company, as Mark Twain used to say. And I am glad to discover that, when I burn, I shall burn with you, my bosom friends. The afterworld is bound to be an ordeal whatever comes -- we might as well endure it together. At the very least, we will have our own Bible.

I speak, of course, of the dreaded Tijuana Bible, the illustrated pornographic tracts that enjoyed a small but enduring vogue in the decades leading up to the 1960s. As though it were not bad enough that these filthy 8-page stapled booklets existed only for the sake of the basest of interests -- sexual arousal and infantile humor -- they also infringed on many a copyright, as their protagonists were often trademarked characters from cartoons and adventising. Further, they libeled real people, often placing as the main characters in their perverse narratives actual movie stars and celebrities. Ever want to see Charlie Chaplin fucking his nubile female co-stars, as he did in life? The Tijuana Bible was your answer!

Of course, a figure as popular as the Ukulele King was also bound to be the subject of pornographic parody. Although his poetry has only recently become available to the broader public, fans of licentiousness have passed Ukie's poetry around since -- well, at least 1902, as the result of a vorpal whirl that sucked one of Ukie's notebooks back in time and deposited it squarely on the desk of Ben Reitman, The King of the Hobos, then 22. Reitman spread the Ukulele King's fame far and wide among the fringes of society, which is where Ukie most belongs, and eventually his fame must have reached the den of criminals and pornographers reponsible for producing the sinner's answer to Jack Chick's illustrated religious tracts.

Here we present to you, for the first time ever, the sole known existing Ukulele King Tijuana Bible. Nobody knows precisely when it was published -- the only existing copy was found stuffed into a cabinet radio from 1927, nestled between and slightly damaged by the device's massive vacuum tubes. A restoration of the original pages was undertaken by a collaboration between the Turner Group, the Kinsey Institute, and the Ukulele King himself, who donated almost $3 million of his private fortune to the effort. The results speak for themselves. Read on if you dare!



















Cheers!

Posted by UkuleleKing at 11:46 p.m.

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